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  • 1 Warning
  • 2 Glossary
  • 5 Clock the Concealed Condom - a little Competition
  • 6 About the book
  • 8 Dedication
  • 8 Acknowledgements
  • 9 Annie

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      CONTENTS    
           
10     SEXION ONE    
           
12     Ben Shaw    
15     Madeline Cowleigh    
      -That Girl in the Golf    
           
Chapter          
1 17   Libby    
  23   Jabba    
      - An attic in Old Amsterdam    
           
2 26   Ali    
  29   Stories from the "Shagger Saga"    
      -Shagger's Copse    
  30   -Mistaken idenTITy    
  31   -No sale from that one"    
           
3 34   Madeline 1    
  36   Little Lennie    
      -Anything to declare Sir?"    
  42   -In the Sleeping Giant's Lair    
           
4 44   Catrina 1    
  48   Top Gun    
      The Gunner Collection    
      -Gunner could be charming - sometimes!    
  49   -"Ciao Cherry"    
  51   -Wayne's sandwich    
  52   -"I'm finished"    
  53   -Your Aunt's not here    
           
5 57   Madeline 2    
  59   Brigadier Hardcastle    
      -Brigadier - Bio    
  62   - The Brigadier's Short and Curlies    
  66   - Crumpet and the Kid    
  70   - Brigadier Bart's brother - Bertrand    
           
6 74   Catrina 2    
  86   Deppo    
      - The Mad Hatter's Chatter Matter    
  87   - Deppo's Decathlon    
      1. The Chicken Ranch    
  88   2. The Old Back Door    
  90   3. Bish-Bash-Bosh    
  91   4. Drugs and Condoms    
      5. Speed    
      6. Ibiza    
      7. Wilbur Smith    
      8. The Sex is Pants    
  93   9. The Get Ready Without Me Kit    
  95   10. Bangkok    
      - Deppo and the Doc    
           
7 100   Ophelia    
  107   The Wit and Wisdom of Ferret    
      Pure Gold from Ferret    
  112   -Jabba's Diaries    
           
  124   -Old Patsy - she was    
8 125   Maria    
  132   Stuporman    
      - Martyr to Flatulence    
  134   - The Run    
  137   - Cousin Rod    
           
9 140   Irena    
  148   G-Spot    
      - Bio Spot    
  149   - Thank You    
      - Give us a clue    
  151   - "Gracias"    
  152   - G-Spot and Robin    
           
      THE TOBAGO TRILOGY    
           
10 156   Ashley    
  161   Commander Curt in the Caribbean    
           
11 168   Zita    
  177   Tripod    
      - "Call-heads or tails"    
  185   - The Charity Match    
  187   - Odes to a Pretty Horsewoman    
           
12 188   Cecelia    
  215   Bell End Boy    
      - Gagging For It - Part One    
  218   - Gagging For It - Part Two - Grab a granny at the Ilford Palais    
           
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      SEXION TWO    
           
      The Annual General Meeting of the IPHC    
           
  223   PART 1 - THE COCKTAIL PARTY    
           
      Brigadier Bartholomew Hardcastle    
  225   Commander Curt    
  226   Top Gun    
      Bell End Boy    
      Stuporman    
  227   Little Lennie    
  228   G-Spot    
  229   Deppo    
  230   Ferret    
  232   Jabba    
  233   Top Gun - A Little Matter of ABH    
           
  238   PART 2 - THE MEAL    
           
      TABLE SEATING PLAN    
           
  240   Madeline's Character Assessments    
           
  246   Personal Contributions    
      Jabba Mr Cadbury and Miss Rowntree  
  247   Lennie Compensation advert - Vibrating Tools. "The Flu"
  248        
  249   Ferret Interview/Ben - Home Office Football Team
  252   Deppo Four Doctors - Arsehole in 10 Downing Street
  253   Tripod Quotations - Cricket
  254   Commander Curt Philosophical thoughts - Women, Marriage, Sex on line
  256   Brigadier Hardcastle Tribute to James Bond 007/Mentoring Advice
  257   G-Spot Story Story - "Fish and Tricks"  
  259   Chief Shaggger Inspiration from Australia  
  260   Bell End Boy Quotations - Sporting  
  262   Stuporman Bodybuilder's posing Display  
  268   Top Gun Story - "Come on my Face"  
  269   Madeline APPSA - The All Party Parliamentary Sex Awards
  275   Ben "The Health and Safety Song
           
      PART 3 - THE AFTER DINNER TOASTS    
           
  278   Ben - Introduction    
      "Education, Education, Education"    
      "Politico speak", acronyms,    
      word play, hidden meanings    
  279   Penetration, Penetration, Penetration    
           
      Jabba Ejaculation  
  280   Lennie Flagellation  
  281   Ferret Stimulation  
      Deppo Fornication  
  282   Tripod Dictation  
  283   Commander Curt Copulation  
  284   Brigadier Hardcastle Titillation  
  286   G Spot Termination  
  287   Chief Shagger in Australia    
  289   Bell End Boy Urination  
        The Pissing Link  
  293   Stuporman Procreation  
  294   Top Gun Domination  
  295   Madeline Ferret's Story  
        Castration  
           
      PART 4 - THE EPILOGUE    
           
      "And so to bed!"    
           
  297   The Brush Off - Brigadier Hardcastle    
  298   Lucky Lennie!    
      Ben's Address    
  299   Enter the Girls    
  300   "Party Time!"    
  302   "Bull's Eye. Jackpot!" - Brigadier Hardcastle