This section tells you all you need to know, your essential guide to all the abbreviated terms used in the book.

OVBE Order of the Very Best Erection
IPHC International Pussy Hunters Club
APPSA All Party Parliamentary Sex Awards
BFs Ben's Friend(s)
CINDERELLARISATION The process of rendering the "wife" comatose (normally on holiday) so that a Gentleman can take advantage of the numerous opportunities available "to put it about a bit." NB Brigadier Hardcastle
EAD Easy Access Dress
FFF Female Fans of Fellatio NB Madeline
GAG Grab a Granny NB Bell End Boy
GFI Gagging For It
LSF Lick Suck Fuck NB Ferret
NLP Neuro-Linguistic Programming
NNC No Negative Crap
PAT Pussy Arse and Tits
PCP Politically Correct Prick
Pinkie Tobagan for Pussy
TG "The Guru" of Greyton
TMFF The Most Fabulous Fucking
TMT Trade Mark Todger NB "The Toadstool" Bell End Boy
WWW Women Wanting Wangers NB Madeline